America's got....something

[Originally posted July 9, 2008]

I don't have cable.

I’ve never been that big of a “T.V. person.” I always prefer to be out and about, doing something instead of being entertained by a big shiny box. So, throwing money every month for an abundance of channels just seems like a waste.

The downside, though, is that when I do feel like vegging out are only a handful of channels to choose from, half of which always seem to show infomercials—the lack of cable cannot stop the power that is HSN!—or televangelists. So, on a Tuesday night in what do the TV gods have for me? That’s right. America’s Got Talent, baby!

First off, for those of you who have never caught this lovely trainwreck, it’s a talent contest a la American Idol. There are judges, a host and open auditions. Only, unlike Fox’s filthy juggernaut, AGT contestants range from singers to pole dancers to baton twirlers and what the fuck was that?!?!

But that’s not the best part. Like any good reality contest, there are the perfect has-been judges: Sharon Osborne, David Hasselhoff and Piers Morgan as the trademark Brit (did I mention the show is produced by Simon Cowell?). So we’ve got absurd American talent being judged by two people from the U.K. and The Hoff (who, sadly, America wouldn’t really want to claim). Oh! And it’s hosted by Jerry Springer. So fabulous.

Now see why I love this show?

You get to see The Hoff get turned on by every contestant (maybe you don’t want to see that…), Sharon Osbourne love almost everybody and Piers do his best impression of Cowell. And America’s oddities are on display for all to admire, laugh at or hide from. Art it certainly isn’t, but it sure is trash television at its most entertaining.